February 12, 1985 | Speaking as the product -- some might say the victim -- of a Catholic elementary and high school education, I must say I found Heaven Help Us an uproariously funny and painfully accurate comedy. Mind you, one doesn’t have to be Catholic to enjoy the movie, which is set in and around a Brooklyn parochial school in 1965. But it helps to have the right background, to realize even those elements that seem most far-fetched are not so exaggerated at all.

The episodic screenplay by Charles Purpura, another Catholic school veteran, focuses on Michael Dunn (Andrew McCarthy), an introverted, recently orphaned transfer student who wants to remain as anonymous as possible at St. Basil’s. But he’s drawn into misadventures by Caesar (Malcolm Danare), an enormous intellectual bound for Harvard Medical School; and Rooney (Kevin Dillon), a thick-witted but street-smart stud with designs on every student at a nearby girls’ school.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the desk, headmaster Brother Thadeus (Donald Sutherland) imperiously rules the realm, intimidating students (who must always answer “Yes, Brother Thadeus!” instead of “Yes, sir!”) and quieting faculty squabbles. Brother Constance (Jay Patterson), a fanatical disciplinarian, strikes fear into the heart of every student he strikes, much to the consternation of a new, more liberal teacher, Brother Timothy (John Heard). But Brother Thadeus remains non-committal -- until just about everybody, students and faculty alike, goes a little too far.

Director Michael Dinner, here making his feature film debut, has a sharp eye for period detail, and a sure instinct for knowing how long to hold a shot or sustain a scene. He and scriptwriter Purpura have devised some hilarious set pieces: a spot-check of a nearby candy store by brothers looking for students who smoke; a rabidly anti-communist tirade by Brother Paul (Philip Bosco) to nude students before swimming class; a pre-dance, hellfire-and-brimstone lecture about the dangers of lust by the gnomish Father Abruzzi (Wallace Shawn). But the filmmakers are even better during the quiet moments, slowly and sweetly developing an innocent romance between Dunn and Danni (Mary Stuart Masterson), the tomboyish girl who runs the candy store. A Sunday seaside outing, to the tune of Otis Redding’s “I’ve Been Loving You Too Long,” is wonderfully affecting.

McCarthy, who actually looked older two years ago in Class, is perfectly cast as Dunn. He credibly conveys a wide range of emotions in the scenes where Dunn must deal with his chain-smoking grandmother (Kate Reid), who wants him to become a priest, and his younger sister (Jennie Dundas), who fears he will leave her. Among the supporting players, Danare (who recalls Stephen Furst in Animal House), Dillon (brother of actor Matt Dillon), Masterson, Sutherland and Heard make the most memorable impressions. But there really isn’t a bad performance in the entire picture.

The bleak, wintry cinematography of Miroslav Ondricek (Amadeus ) provides a comically bleak atmosphere for Heaven Help Us, allowing us to see these eventful school days from the point of view of the put-upon students. Some of the imagery may remind you of If . . ., Lindsay Anderson’s darkly powerful fantasia about repression and rebellion at a British public school. That shouldn’t be surprising -- Ondricek photographed that movie, too.
Sharply observant and highly entertaining, Heaven Help Us is one of those rare “youth comedies” that appeals to parents as much as teen-agers. The younger folks in the audience can giggle at the familiar high school high jinks and coming-of-age antics carried out by the engaging young leads. But those of us who are old enough to prefer VH-1 to MTV will find the humor laced with gentle shocks of recognition.

To be sure, Heaven Help Us is not without its gross-out, Porky’s-style touches. (At one point, a shapely co-ed being primed with liquor throws up on her date.) And the jokey epilogue is a heavy-handed knock-off of Animal House and American Graffiti. For the most part, though, the humor is good-natured and the characters are recognizably human. For a comedy being advertised for the adolescent crowd, the movie is strikingly subdued. Even more amazing, it ends on a note suggesting some authority figures are much wiser, and more sympathetic, than teen-agers might ever dare hope.